Sometimes routines give us security: the illusion that we are controlling something in an ever changing world. I have my night-time routine. I lock everything up (even doors beside open windows which makes a whole lot of sense), turn off lights, set the coffee maker, and make sure the dog can't gain access to rooms with couches. There is a strange satisfaction knowing the day filled with spending money on electricity, gas, food and water comes to an end at night. At least I enjoyed the illusion that it did until a few nights back. Late in the evening I watered the garden, moved the sprinkler to the lawn, and never returned to turn the water off. Somehow around 4:30 a.m. I woke up and heard the water meter clicking away, money quickly leaving our house and blades of grass singing jubilantly at 7 hours of watering.

Sometimes these wake up calls come at night, other times during the day -- like when you have left your car windows down when the rain starts falling. Sometimes the damage is minimal, sometimes great, but when the wake up call comes, illusions we have lived with must be reckoned with.

Thomas Merton wrote,
“Every one of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self. This is the man I want to be but who cannot exist because God does not know anything about him. And to be unknown of God is altogether too much privacy. My false and private self is the one who wants to exist outside the reach of God's will... outside of reality. Such a self cannot help but be an illusion.

We are not very good at recognizing illusions, least of all the ones we cherish about ourselves... A life devoted to the cult of this shadow is what is called a life of sin... All sin starts from the assumption that my false self, the self that exists only in my own egocentric desires, is the fundamental reality of life to which everything else in the universe is ordered. Thus I use up my life in the desire for pleasures and the thirst for experiences, for power, honor, knowledge, and love, to clothe this false self and construct its nothingness into something objectively real. And I wind experiences around myself and cover myself with pleasures and glory like bandages in order to make myself perceptible to myself and to the world, as if I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something visible covered its surface” (New Seeds of Contemplation, pp. 34-35).

Jesus said it quite clearly when he critiqued the leaders of his day for polishing the outside of the cup while the inside remained full of greed and self-indulgence. He admonished them to first clean the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may become clean (Matthew 23:25-26). Instead of spending our time and energy wrapping ourselves like a mummy with whatever we can control, obtain, or possess we are invited to look inside. But the illusion we live with is that the wrapping is more significant than the content within. Under this heartless illusion, we become the center and God somehow recedes to an invisible fringe.

Are there aspects of our lives that God is unaware of?
Can God ever be moved to the fringe?

We know the answer to both questions which is why we call our avoidance of the answer, illusion and the self operating from this illusion, false.

We also know that God is faithfully inviting us to be real. We do not need to pretend but are invited to pray with the Psalmist, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).


Tom

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Over the past week I've had several conversations with people about guilt. Some of them are feeling guilty and without reason. And some have reasons, but feel no guilt.


Guilt.

Some of us can't shake it. We hold on to it like a familiar companion. Some of us allow no room for it. It is either deflected on to another or conveniently pushed under the rug.

Guilt.

Some of us take responsibility for the indiscretions, the dysfunctions, the addictions, the failures of others, spending all kinds of time picking up pieces that are not ours to pick up. Some of us are unfazed by failures and foibles of others, missing the wreakage while tiptoeing through the tulips.

Guilt.

Is there a way to experience this word without being held captive by it or missing the chance to grow from it?

* Where we are able to honesty and prayerfully deal with our own failures, invite and receive the forgiveness of God and others and begin the disciplined work of correcting our ways.
* Where we are able to identify the stuff that creates havoc and harm for others, find ways to speak truth with love, create safe distance where we are not the target of their escape, and lift them in prayer before God.

Much of this has to do with responsibility. Some feel responsible for fires they did not start. Some don't even notice a fire blazing out of control. One gets burned in a system of dependence while the other adopts a system of fleeing from the flames.

Karl Barth wrote, “We are not yet obedient, or no longer so, if the court to which we are finally responsible is a system, a program, a statute, a method, an 'ism', no matter whether it be philosophical, political, or theological, static or dynamic, conservative, liberal, or authoritarian. Even at best an 'ism' is not God's Word nor can it replace it.”

The Heidelberg Catechism begins with the question “What is your only comfort, in life and in death?” And the answer is simply but powerfully stated, “That I belong – body and soul, in life and death – not to myself but to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.” Along a similar track, John Calvin wrote, “We are not our own; let not our reason nor our will, therefore, sway our plans and deeds. We are not our own; let us therefore not set it as our goal to seek what is expedient for us according to the flesh. We are not our own; in so far as we can, let us therefore forget ourselves and all that is ours. Conversely, we are God's; let us therefore live for him and die for him. We are God's; let his wisdom and will therefore rule all our actions.”

Made simple, we have a part to play in taking care of our life, our body, our faith, our relationships since we belong to God.
We also have a part to play in restoring others when their life, their body, their faith and their relationships are broken. But along the way we realize that we cannot liberate them from captive forces. Only God can do this. We cannot be their Savior. Christ takes that role. We cannot even be the sustaining breath beneath their wings. The Spirit is far more consistent in that task. So what we do is witness in word and deed to the creative and liberating work of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.


Tom

Acts 1:8 and Galatians 5:1-5


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In a pre-marital counseling session last week the bride to be told me about a conversation she had with a couple celebrating their 70th anniversary. While she was waiting on their table, she took a break and asked them, “If you don’t mind, I would like to know the secret to your marriage. I’m getting married in September and want as much advice as I can get.” With a winsome smile, the gentleman answered, “Oh, we just ignore each other.” His bride started laughing as the two of them knew exactly what that meant.

Every issue cannot be primary, every difference cannot be debated, every flaw cannot be exposed. Certainly some have to be dealt with, but a relationship will soon wear out if it lacks the wisdom to determine which issues, which differences, and which flaws need attention.

The ability to pause in moments of decision, reflect in times of tension and let the little stuff pass is the wisdom which we seek. Wisdom permits us to build up our energy and our generosity, and grow in grace so that we are ready to act, speak, and share from a steady place. We let the issues, the differences and the flaws rest for a moment so we have time to figure out the right stance, the right word or the right path forward. Some have noted that most Americans’ minds are like a tree full of jumping monkeys. In any given moment we are not really present, but rather are worrying and obsessing about yesterday and tomorrow. We are distracted, multi-tasking creatures of habit who suffer by being inwardly divided. We need to learn what to ignore.

Pastor and author Martin Copenhaver wrote, “Philosophers, theologians, and social scientists have all found wisdom notoriously difficult to define. In part, this is because wisdom is more than an single attribute. It is more like a cluster of attributes, including a clear-eyed view of human behavior, coupled with keen self-understanding; a certain tolerance for ambiguity and what might be called the messiness of life; emotional resiliency; an ability to think clearly in a circumstance of conflict or stress; a tendency to approach a crisis as an intriguing puzzle to be solved; an inclination to forgive and move on; humility enough to know that it is not all about you; a gift for seeing how smaller facts fit in within a larger picture; a mix of empathy and detachment; a knack for learning from lifetime experiences; a way of suspending judgment long enough to achieve greater clarity; an ability to act coupled with a willingness to embrace judicious inaction.

Outside of the obnoxious vuvuzela horns blaring at every game in South Africa, I am loving the World Cup 2010. Saturday while watching the US and England match, I noticed a US defender ignore the offensive attacker to his right so he could cover the more obvious threat in the middle of the field. He knew his limits and understood that a part of the field would have to be sacrificed so he could cover the area of greatest need.

May God grant us such wisdom; enough to figure out the areas of greatest need and there offer the best we have to give.


Tom

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John Wayne once said, “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”

Sometimes we're scared to death of what we've been asked to do, say, or give. Sometimes we're scared to death of failure and sometimes success.

Awhile back I read the book Rain of Gold by Victor Villasenor but only recently learned about his struggle as a writer. Raised in southern California, Victor was illiterate because of dyslexia until adulthood. Then a woman in Mexico taught him to read. Ironically, he decided he wanted to become a great writer and he asked God to help him overcome his fear and grant him courage.
While he worked for ten years as a laborer, digging ditches and cleaning houses, his mind was free to think and dream up characters and plots. At home he read voraciously, devouring more than five thousand books. He memorized favorite openings and analyzed paragraphs and sentences, taking them apart to see how they worked. And most important, he started writing. He wrote nine novels, sixty-five short stories, and ten plays. He sent them all to publishers. All were rejected. One publisher sent him a rejection letter that simply said, “You’re kidding.”
Somehow he was encouraged by that. It meant that at least the publisher had read his submission. Then in 1972 after 260 rejections, Villasenor sold his first novel, which was called Macho. He then published a non-fiction work entitled, Jury: People vs. Juan Corona, an award-winning screenplay called Ballad of Gregorio Cortez, and, the crowning work of his life, the two-part saga of his family called Rain of Gold that took twelve years to write.
“Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”

This morning a woman called the office looking for help. She was scared but had the courage to seek help from a church she has visited on a few times.
A man who has been coming to John Knox on and off called to offer any help he could give the church and wanting to be baptized.
A woman called to tell me two things. First, her son after the service yesterday went out to pick up sticks in the yard and then on his own, proceeded to pick up sticks in their neighbor's yard. She also shared that she is ready to join the church.
A woman prior to surgery this morning asked me how she could give a portion of her IRA to the campaign. In her pain, moments from surgery, she was thinking how to give.
Another woman shared her desire to enter the ministry.
“Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”

Yesterday all kinds of examples of courage came my way.
I watched people visit homes to extend communion.
I watched caring callers visit other homes to provide Letters of Intent for the campaign.
I watched people, who have led our capital campaign with energy, intelligence, imagination, and love, gather in the evening to hear the results of our campaign ($1.3 million, along with a $200,000 home and $30,000 insurance policy). My hope is that Letters of Intent continue to come in so we can close the gap between our 2.5 million stretch goal and gifts courageously given.

When Joshua was preparing to lead the new generation into the land of God's promise, here is what God said to him:
“Be strong and courageous; for you shall put this people in possession of the land that I swore to their ancestors to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to act in accordance with all the law that my servant Moses commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, so that you may be successful where you go” (Joshua 1:6-7).

Methodist pastor Michael Slaughter wrote, “Faith is not the absence of fear. Faith is feeling the fear and then acting on the promises and purpose of God anyway. Faith is when every cell in your body is screaming, 'Run!' while you continue to follow forward in obedience, praying, 'Not my will, Lord, by your will be done!' Faith is the proactive response, in spite of those feelings and uncertainties, to the mandates of heaven.”

Thanks for giving me faith filled examples of courage.

Saddle up,


Tom

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You never know what you will encounter in a parade. Yesterday I watched a trumpeter leave the line of marching band members to go and recover the trumpet he had accidentally left behind, then catch up again toward the end of the song. I watched Daisies and Brownies place flowers on tombs. I watched veterans stand with pride and sift through memories, some of which have been shared, some of which will never be told. But my gaze was primarily fixed on the Cub Scouts I was responsible for. While older scouts carried the flags, the younger ones held the banner or at least tried to. There are a lot of distractions during a parade. Midway through the parade my scouts, having passed their elated parents, began noticing all kinds of things in the road, things within reach. One grabbed a smashed pop can, another claimed a tootsie roll, another tried to extract a penny fixed forever in tar. Now when you are walking alone, it is not too much of a problem to bend and pick up what has caught your attention. But when you are one of four carrying a rectangular banner, when you stop or turn or bend, the whole line does as well. Needless to say, my banner line charted a rather crooked course in yesterday's Memorial Day Parade.

Whether we are reaching for trash, relief, or security, we know what its like to lose focus, get off course, and cause those with us to break their stride as well.

That's why John echoed the prophet Isaiah when he foretold the coming of Jesus, “Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low, and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough ways made smooth; and all flesh shall see the salvation of God” (Luke 3:4-6). That's what we want, that final line. We want all to see, to know, and experience the salvation and love of God. Toward that end, we are willing to pass by distractions, leave anvils aside (see the convicting sermon by Al Hart below) and allow God to make our crooked ways straight. Notice that the emphasis is on the end. We don't get lost in what we sacrifice or the path that is straightened. We want to see God at work and be a part of that work. Perhaps that is what is happening with our Capital Campaign. We're giving gifts, making sacrifices and adding space so that more people might know the Lord, grow in the Son and be lifted and gifted by the Holy Spirit. We are preparing the way so that God is free to do what God wants to do in our lives and through our congregation.

Together on the Journey,

Tom

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